CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
It had to be 2003 or 2004. I had gotten out of the military not too long before and had been living in this country as an immigrant for over a decade, but I was still trying to find my place in the world. I was at a cash register helping a young woman who was probably in her early twenties purchase merchandise in Macy’s women’s shoes department at the Fashion Fair mall in Fresno. Noticing my name tag, which read Ozan, she asked where I was from, and I said I was from Turkey. Without any hesitation or any thought of the people waiting in line, her exact words, which I remember to this day, were “I don’t like Turkish people.”
My Mexican coworker Bobby, a friend from whom I learned a lot, not just about retail but also about life in general, was beside me at the other register, ringing up another customer’s shoes. Being the professional he always was, he turned slightly to see who this customer was, but he didn’t say anything. Later, in the back of the store, he told me that was one of the most messed-up things he had ever heard during his years at Macy’s.
Bobby believed strongly in the power of laughter. His infectious smile and great sense of humor combined with his patience, wit, people skills, and sales acumen made him a big asset to any company. He was friends with Rodney A. Grant, an actor who played “Wind In His Hair” in one of my all-time favorite movies, Dances With Wolves, and they used to talk at the store sometimes when Rodney came in to shop. I had the pleasure of meeting Rodney through Bobby and was fortunate enough to enjoy some conversations with him myself. I remember Rodney as a very humble and kind soul.
Bobby and I caught up last year after not seeing each other for many years. We talked about current events and relived many memories from our days of working together in the very challenging field of retail. His sense of humor hadn’t lost a beat.
I was at a bar once, having a conversation about movies with a few guys, and I told a story about driving to Wichita to report for duty at McConnell Air Force Base. I told them it was an exciting moment to see the sign “Yellow Brick Road,” as I drove north on Highway 35 and got closer to Wichita, because The Wizard of Oz was one of my favorite movies as a child.
“A Turkish guy in Kansas?” an arrogant-looking guy at the bar chuckled, with a mixture of disbelief and disgust. “A Turkish guy in the US Air Force?”
Throughout the years, surprised comments like “A Turk who likes George Strait?” would be depressingly common. It is frustrating to be made fun of and have your interests belittled. These types of comments eventually take their toll on you and even limit your ability to have conversations freely, without getting defensive and without worry. There were times I would do my best to hide my accent, hoping people wouldn’t ask me where I was from, but I found it to be impossible. Anyhow, once the country of Turkey enters the conversation, there is a good chance you can forget about discussing Seals and Crofts or a ’52 Ford or Lee Van Cleef. Everything you say will be viewed with skepticism by certain people.
Racism, stereotyping, and prejudiced and judgmental attitudes are some of humanity’s biggest downfalls, and they are unfortunately present even in most advanced and modern societies. People can and do judge others based on anything: the color of their hair, the type of car they drive, the type of music they listen to, their choice of clothes, how they speak, or their lifestyle choices. We humans always judge others, and I think it is one of our worst qualities. It’s unjust behavior to try to fit others in mental boxes with limited knowledge of their circumstances, often focusing on what we perceive to be negative qualities while disregarding some very important positives. Judging a person by something outward can overlook a heart of gold, an important talent, or years of hard work and accomplishment. On a smaller scale it can hurt the other person’s feelings, while on a bigger scale it can suck their soul out and even cost a person their life.
Each individual might feel the impact differently depending on their personality, their fragility, and the amount of damage inflicted. But for the most part, people who make a habit of judging and stereotyping others are taking the easy route to avoid the amount of thinking the truth demands from us. That is disrespectful to the very notion of truth. Laziness, narrow-mindedness, having ill feelings, jealousy... take your pick! Trying to understand others does not seem to be of interest to judgmental people. I believe Balzac was right when he said, ”The more one judges, the less one loves.”
I have always wondered if certain things are deeply seated in some people. I believe our childhood years play a very important role in our lives and lay much of the foundation for who we are to become, although things can get more complicated as we get older. I know a person can have a loving upbringing and still grow up to be a shitty person, and vice versa. The important question is how flexible are we when it comes to changing our opinions once we discover new facts and develop a better understanding of events? I believe this flexibility, or lack thereof, is closely tied to many factors, such as one’s upbringing, surroundings, and personality. Even when something is a fact, having full understanding of the reasons behind that fact can have a big impact on how it is viewed, which can change a negative perception to a neutral or even a positive one. I’ve seen people add lies to stories with the intention of causing a sensation, unconcerned with what harm might come the subject of the story’s way. Unfortunately, drama, chaos, and conflict are some people’s oxygen.
I also think stereotyping is tied to immaturity and insecurity, which interfere with human advancement. It really lowers the curtains on our horizons and limits our imagination. I believe flexibility and adaptability are crucial to human growth and evolution. After all, they played a vital role in our species’ survival and the development of higher intelligence, which allowed us to continue to exist on this planet. Being tolerant and having our beliefs challenged without getting defensive are quality human traits. But how many of us handle such occasions with the necessary level of maturity?
As the philosopher Tzvetan Todorov has observed, “Even though no one wants to be a victim, the position does confer certain advantages. Groups that gain recognition as victims of past injustices obtain a bottomless line of moral credit... The greater the crime in the past, the more compelling the rights in the present — which are gained merely through membership in the wronged group.” Not to take anything away from anybody’s individual struggles in the present, as life throws things at all of us. But in my experience, there will always be people who treat others with extreme caution and a few who are ready to make full use of such an advantage. Of course, most people are not like this.
I never belonged to such a group, because the struggles of Turkish people were unknown or disregarded in the places I lived. If people classify you as a member of a particular group, whether by your race, ethnicity, or nationality, and you lack the representation of such a group, it can be very hard to find people who can relate to your individual struggles. Often it seemed as if I lived under the shadow of my home country. Turkish people lacked representation where I was, and I felt the collateral damage of this. I know all too well that my personal experiences can and should never be compared to the tragedies of those who have faced and continue to face racism, persecution, and injustice in the present day. Events like the Holocaust, various genocides, and destructive wars deserve their own category, because human tragedy doesn’t get any worse than that. History is full of horrible events, some well-known and many forgotten. Humans are capable of doing some of the most awful things to each other. We have an obligation to learn from the past in order to avoid repeating it.
I know I’m not the only one. I still remember reading about the Watsonville Riots in 1930, involving the Filipino immigrants as I mentioned earlier. I also remember learning about the riots that took place in Istanbul in 1955 that targeted the Greek minority there. I understand that it was very difficult for Armenians when they first started to move to Fresno. From what I learned, it wasn’t until the 1950s when Armenians were accepted by this community.
Today you can ask someone from any background, especially an older person, about their past difficulties with acceptance and they will tell you some of the saddest and most touching stories. I heard them from many friends from different backgrounds, so I know what I faced wasn’t unique. I think what made it particularly difficult for me was the fact that I didn’t have a safe haven or a group of people around here who could relate to my particular experiences as a Turkish immigrant.
Although I was embraced by many good people from diverse backgrounds, I felt alone dealing with my personal challenges. When I was stereotyped as a Turkish person, I didn’t have thousands or millions of people backing me up, and the person stereotyping me likely knew that too. I think there is a certain level of comfort that comes with living in places where there are thousands of people from the same ethnicity or nationality or simply a group of people a person can identify with.
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