CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
After hundreds of hostile encounters, ignorant comments, and stereotyping experiences, it has become clear to me that some people don’t like Turkey and the Turkish people, and they never will.
Regardless of how open-minded I am, how much knowledge I have about music, movies, the world, the universe, science, food, or sports, no matter how much kindness I display, there are times when none of it matters. Many times, a wonderful conversation will end after a person finds out my background. Many of them initially thought I was Australian or Canadian or even Italian, and they will inevitably say, “You don’t look Turkish at all.”
This hurts my soul deeply because I have always been a fighter against stereotypes. When a patient’s family member asked if we had any transportation back in Turkey, I kept my cool and said “Yes, we do,” despite knowing that she was being deliberately sarcastic, ignorant, and derogatory. When people tried to put me in boxes by questioning me about subjects where they thought I lacked knowledge or in an attempt to test me, I focused and gathered all of my knowledge to prove them wrong.
Through the years I have shared many trivial things I had learned by spending a lot of time reading, as well as from other people, movies, and documentaries, with people who looked down on me, in hopes of surprising them and changing their negative opinions. I shared Mick Jagger’s contribution in the backing vocals of a Carly Simon song “You’re So Vain.” I talked about Dan Seals of England Dan & John Ford Coley being the younger brother of Jim Seals of the band Seals and Crofts. I shared the speed of light and the unimaginable size of the known universe, the arrival of modern humans in the last eight minutes of the universe’s life span based on the cosmic calendar, the elements found in the human body such as oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, and nitrogen, and how I think we are all made of stardust. I shared how Jack Nicholson himself played Chopin’s Prelude Op. 28, No. 4 in the movie Five Easy Pieces.
Frustration was often evident on the faces of people who tried to stereotype me. Many of them were bothered by the fact that a Turkish person had knowledge of such things but also by the challenge of facing their own stereotypes and abandoning them. I know all too well that there is so much I don’t know and what I do know is a drop in a bucket. I am always hungry for knowledge, and I am a student of life.
I had come to California with an open mind and an open heart, ready to embrace anything that would help me become a better person. But being from Turkey came with its own risks. I found it very difficult and exhausting to fight certain stereotypes alone. I was trying to counter beliefs that had been ingrained into people’s minds for many generations through news, books, and movies. To really understand the roots of the stereotyping that exists and affects the Turkish people, one has to read history and study many interrelated subjects. It’s deep and complicated.
Whether a town I moved to had a Turkish community or not never held any importance for me. This was not something I ever paid attention to as I moved around the country chasing my American dream. I think this was because I simply viewed people as individuals, and their race, ethnicity, nationality, or beliefs were of little importance. To me there were good people everywhere, most people were good people, and they came from all backgrounds.
But after certain negative experiences, even a self-described citizen of the world can start wondering what it would be like to have Turkish restaurants every couple of blocks, have Turkish TV or radio stations, run into Turkish employees at grocery or hardware stores, or have Turkish coworkers. The comfort of such things might only be noticed by others in their absence and after living in places for a long time without a community to call one’s own. The reality is that most people, especially immigrants, do not choose to live in places without a familiar community and if they do, most do not stay long.
Only after many years I would realize that being from Turkey and feeling like a citizen of the world would not be such an easy thing to juggle. On the one hand you face stereotypes, people trying to box you in, and on the other hand, as an individual, you don’t fit into any of the stereotypes, which makes the wrongness of others’ judgments burn even more harshly.
Many years ago, I discovered a systematic and hateful online propaganda campaign targeting Turks, along with an effort to stifle anything positive about us in the eyes of the American public. I read posts like “Turks are the cancer of this earth,” “All Turks smell horrible,” “Turkey is a nation of pigs,” “Turks are nothing but a bunch of no-good barbarians with no talent,” “What type of Turk is a good Turk? A dead one,” and on and on. After reading page after page of this and remembering my own personal experiences, I went from one of the biggest critics of my home country to feeling a deep need to defend what I perceived to be the hated, disadvantaged, wronged, and voiceless Turkish people.
I think when people make such comments, they think of all the negatives, and the people defending their home country think of all the positives. When I defend my home country under attack, it is the good people of Turkey, the country’s hospitality, and its unique culture I am defending. If someone pointed out the negatives about my home country, I would most likely agree with them. But I would also remind them about the many good things about Turkey. Isn’t this the way it goes? If you’re sitting at a bar at an airport and the guy next to you points out all of the mistakes and bad things America has committed, as an American you probably would point out many good things America has also done. Fair-minded people have a tendency to protect and defend what or who they perceive as being attacked.
Turkish immigrants pay a high price for the media’s terrible portrayal of us. During the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, NBC directed their cameras at the grass as the Turkish athletes entered the stadium — why? NBC is a major broadcast television network and the Olympics is a worldwide sporting event, bringing many countries together. Who was behind such a decision and what was the motive?
The movie Midnight Express, about an American arrested for drug smuggling in Turkey, had not one positive Turkish character, thereby creating a horrible image of Turkish people, which we can’t escape even decades after its release, especially since there are hardly any Hollywood movies that portray Turkish people in a good light to balance things out. We all know how powerful movies are and their influence on the public. When I watched Midnight Express, it brought tears to my eyes, so imagine the impact it had on others.
Ask Antonio Banderas why he changed his mind when he had decided to play Ataturk, one of history’s most visionary leaders, (a leader who had a high level of respect for Women’s rights and had given the Turkish women the right to vote in 1934) in a Hollywood movie in 1998. Could it be because he and his wife at the time, Melanie Griffith, received an overwhelming amount of hate mail, including threats? I encourage any person who values social progress to read about Ataturk’s reforms.
There are two main problems that I see with most people I come across in America. The first is that most of them are not aware of the systematic hateful propaganda targeting Turks, and the second is that they don’t care, because they feel no affiliation and have nothing to gain from supporting the Turks. Banderas had much to lose and not much to gain by playing Ataturk.
When I first arrived in California, I really wanted to be an actor and felt that I had potential, but when I eventually realized that my Turkish background would always stand in my way, I became discouraged, disappointed, and sad. There was a time I dreamed of moving to Hollywood and finding an agent who would see my passion and promise — not because I wanted fame and money, but because I truly admired the power acting has to touch and move audiences.
Movies shed light on all of the characters we meet in our daily lives: the misunderstood, the unfortunate, the mistreated, the powerful, and the powerless. They can depict both good-hearted and evil people. They can show misunderstandings and injustices and give us a better understanding of what it is like to step into another’s shoes. They can show the tiny and often overlooked details that make all the difference in people’s lives. They can show the complexities of humans and their interactions with each other. They can make people laugh to the point of incontinence or cry rivers, and they can make them understand that things are not always as they seem, leaving them at the end of the show smarter, more experienced, happier, and better understood, and at other times confused, sad, and having had their beliefs and knowledge tested and challenged. Good movies can help us become better husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, friends, coworkers, strangers, and freedom seekers. They help us dream more, making us feel that anything in this vast universe is possible.
I wanted to become an actor because movies have helped me to widen my imagination and explore my emotions. I am fascinated to this day by the fact that the characters in two of my favorite movies — Ike Clanton in Tombstone and Colonel Miles Quaritch in Avatar — were played by the same actor, Stephen Lang. I have been watching movies since I was a kid. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Kramer vs. Kramer, Midnight Cowboy, Jaws, A Star Is Born, Star Wars, The Champ, and Love Story were just some of the movies that had a big influence on me during my childhood and teen years. I wanted to become a part of movies that helped move audiences, and I truly believed I had something to offer to producers and directors, but I soon realized they didn’t want to hear from a Turk — that my path would always collide with some obstacle in the form of stereotypes. For the longest time and until recently, I truly thought Turks weren’t allowed in Hollywood. The last time I checked, Hollywood was in California, United States of America, the land of the free, yet this is how it seemed.
Many people don’t realize that when you come from a country that has no positive associations for anyone in your new community, it can do serious damage to your confidence. If anybody thinks a person from a westernized society has the same outlook on someone from Turkey as on someone from England, they are wrong. Not to take anything away from any individual’s struggles from any country, including England. But I have spent a good amount of my life trying to overcome negative public perception of Turkish people and destroy stereotypes.
This constant internal and external struggle can weaken a person, interfere with their thought process, and make them feel like they have limited choices.
Being stereotyped can strip you of all your personal qualities, bringing you down to the level other people have assigned you. Stereotyping can underestimate your intelligence, your character, your knowledge, your abilities, and all your other qualities. It can negate anything positive you have to offer, deeply scarring your soul. It can tear down your individuality, and the repeated negative experiences can make you defensive. It can rob you of your potential and your dreams, breaking down your confidence, making you feel incompetent, forcing you to question every decision you make, setting you up for mistake after mistake. And once people see you as the enemy, they will try to destroy you, exposing your mistakes and weaknesses while others enjoy the protection of their circles and networks.
When people say “hell is other people,” I know exactly what they mean. These “other people” are often ordinary folks with families and jobs, who consider themselves caring, but they still have the capability to hurt others, as long as they are able to justify their actions to themselves. I have witnessed some of the kindest people justify truly unfair treatment of others. The damage they inflict may be small or great, but the intention is what’s important. Once they see you as the enemy, as one of “them,” their efforts are directed at you, to prove that you’re not a good person and to make your life harder.
I talk about society quite a bit because the people surrounding us have a profound effect and influence on our lives. I have seen over and over how people attribute a person’s shortcomings, mistakes, or flaws completely to their character and personality, when in reality it is the path they have been on and their life experiences that are the main contributors to their actions, how they handle challenges, and whether they might sometimes act out of character. Most people fail to understand that. Especially as one gets older, the accumulation of frustrations, hard times, and life experiences can cause people to find themselves in a downward spiral, even as society continues to insist that we live by norms and rules, with no awareness of or regard for individual struggles. Life can be tough, and people don’t necessarily make it any easier. People can also protect each other, overlooking their friends’ sins while choosing to focus on somebody who they consider an outsider.
I remember reuniting with some friends whom I hadn’t seen in over twenty years. I was shocked to see that a formerly strong, confident, constantly smiling guy had become someone who could barely walk, racked with tremors — but still trying to smile. Life, illness, and injuries can break our backs, but our fellow humans can also add to our troubles. People might not be concerned about the events unfolding in someone else’s personal life, but they’ll jump to take part in the judging phase.
The man down the street from me, who was born here and whose family has been here for three generations, might have his own unique challenges in his life, but he can never truly understand what it is like to be a Turkish immigrant in places without a Turkish community. There is no comparison between the minimal to zero influence Turkish culture has on America and some of the cultures that have made truly significant marks, such as Hispanic culture, Irish culture, French culture, the English, the German, the Italian, the Chinese, and the Japanese. I understand that these cultures have contributed much to the US as well as the world, and their ancestry goes back many generations in this country. Being from Turkey has hardly brought anything positive into my life, unfortunately. But I have never given up on my efforts to prove to others that there is much more to us than the negativity that seems to always hover around. I wish we secular Turks could do more to balance out some of the stereotypes we face.
I want to emphasize that while I have had a few isolated sour experiences, I can honestly say that despite the long history of conflict between our two countries, Armenians in particular didn’t make my life in Fresno harder. It was mostly people from other backgrounds who made assumptions and ignorant comments to me throughout the years. Our Armenian friends have been very kind to us. I know without their support life would be a lot tougher for me in Fresno.
My mom also didn’t feel as alone as she might have while living in Fresno thanks to her Armenian, Greek, and Jewish friends who checked on her periodically or invited her to gatherings. The Armenian and Turkish cultures are very similar and have a lot in common, such as eating similar foods and being passionate and hospitable.
I would always watch over Armenian kids and protect them in the neighborhood or anywhere in the world, just as I do for my own kids and other kids. I married a Chinese woman, but I could just as easily have married an Armenian woman, if I had fallen in love with one. If either of my children happens to meet, date, fall in love with, and marry an Armenian person, it would not matter to me one bit, as long as they treat my kid with respect, love, and kindness.
Fresno is a very diverse city and throughout my years here I have become friends and crossed paths with people from many different backgrounds: Asians from different countries, Indians, African-Americans, Hispanics, Europeans, Greeks, Armenians, Jews...
I have always been interested in other people’s cultures and the stories they had to tell. During the last decade or so, I have done quite a bit of reading about the Armenian population here and their large contributions to the city of Fresno. I read about the author William Saroyan, whose family was from Bitlis, Turkey. Born in Fresno and recipient of the Pulitzer Prize for Drama in 1940, he was regarded one of the greatest writers of the twentieth century. From what I read, Saroyan visited his ancestral home, drinking from the fountain his grandmother used to tell stories of.
Seeing photos of Saroyan visiting Bitlis brought back the years I have put into trying to better understand the tragedies of Armenians. They lost their homes and their lands and were forced to leave it all behind, many of them perishing during the deportations in WWI. From what I read, the Turkish people learned many skills from the Armenian people. There were many Armenian as well as Greek and Jewish actors, singers, and journalists in Turkey, some of whom adopted Turkish names, sometimes by choice and other times to avoid discrimination: Onno Tunc, Ayhan Isik, Dario Moreno, Garo Mafyan, Kenan Pars, Adile Nasit, Selim Nasit Ozcan, Sami Hazinses, Cem Karaca, and Hrant Dink, just to name a few.
One of the greatest basketball coaches and a Hall of Famer, Jerry Tarkanian, was coaching Fresno State when I first moved to Fresno. He had an impressive record of 729 wins during his college coaching career, and many of the players he coached would go on to play in the NBA.
As I mentioned earlier, my introduction to the band Boston’s Third Stage album in 1987 is something I can never forget. A few years ago, I found out that the drummer playing on amazing songs such as “Amanda,” “We’re Ready,” “The Launch,” “Cool the Engines,” and many more was Sib Hashian.
Steely Dan’s album Aja is full of some of my favorite of their songs; the title track in particular is a masterpiece. I heard that Sib named his older daughter after this Steely Dan song. What an amazing choice!
Sib’s other daughter, Lauren, was married to the actor Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock. I remember reading about him a few years ago. I always thought of him as a very humble guy and a funny actor. It’s great to see him supporting many charity foundations and never forgetting his difficult years, especially in his twenties.
It's fascinating, the things we learn depending on what we choose to read. Many Armenian veterans served in the US military achieving great success and rising through the ranks, some as high as generals. I also gained awareness of the hardships, challenges, and difficulties many Armenian families faced when they first moved to California’s Central Valley. They too were stereotyped and met resistance from the locals in those years. I can only imagine those families moving to the “land of the free” with such high hopes, believing all of their troubles were left behind and that they could start new, promising lives in America, only to run into more difficulties.
I met Sahak abi (abi means an older brother in Turkish) and his sister in 1995 or 1996, when they came to visit me in Sonora with my childhood friend Metin, who had moved to Fresno to attend college. They were of Armenian descent and were from Istanbul, Turkey. They had moved to Fresno during the ’70s and we kept in touch. Once I moved to Fresno, we hung out often.
Sahak abi had always been there for me, listening to me and giving me good advice. His father and mother, Karabet amca (uncle) and Katarina teyze (aunt) were kind and hospitable people, full of valuable life experiences despite having faced many challenges. Although they didn’t often talk about the hardships they endured while living in Turkey, the photos in their old albums spoke volumes.
Katarina teyze cooked amazing dishes, very much like the delicious food my grandma used to make for me back home, and Karabet amca would invite me to take a seat next to him at the table in the kitchen, sharing his red wine with me. When I was in the military in Kansas, I would call Katarina teyze and get cooking instructions for different recipes over the phone. I could probably have found them on the Internet, but I knew they wouldn't turn out the way she made them, and it also gave me a chance to say hello. Sahak abi would record soccer games for me and send the VHS tapes to my dormitory; I still have those tapes. I would get so excited when they arrived, as life in the dorms could be quite dull.
Without exaggeration, I would describe Karabet amca and Katarina teyze as two of the most good-hearted people I have ever met in my life. I still remember each and every time I visited them at their house, how happy they would be, greeting me with a smile. I remember taking Karabet amca grocery shopping in my car. I always enjoyed listening to his wisdom. I remember Karabet amca as someone who had been through years of hardship, a very positive person keeping his past troubles to himself. The world needs people like them more than ever.
Sahak abi passed away suddenly in 2008, and we lost Karabet amca in 2013 and Katarina teyze in 2016. I miss them all a lot.
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